Unbelievable

We got another bill today for bloodwork. We don't have maternity coverage. Nelson has his own business...so we have private insurance, and not group insurance. No private insurance comes with maternity, you can add it on...but by the time you negotiate with the hospital it makes more sense to not add on maternity (every insurance rep has told us this too). Well, if you have a baby it's not a huge deal money-wise. However, if you have nothing but pain to show for it's freaking unbelievable. We added up all the bills today, and it's cost us $8000 and no baby. Praying we can pay all this off soon, and have enough money to try again soon. I have been more down lately and I think it's because we're able to ttc soon, and I'm absolutely terrified of going through this again. My hope and want for a baby outweighs the fear, so I am ready to try again...I just pray pray pray it's a healthy baby next time....I also hope it happens soon. It's so emotionally draining on me.

My Nannie passed away 11 years ago today. I always think about her more when this day approaches...on a great note Evan got to go home today...YAY! My mom goes for a stress test on Friday and we'll see if she needs a stint or what the next step is then...

This is not an up-beat post at all...just feeling blah. It comes and goes. I am grateful for so much, and I try to remind myself of that everytime I feel this way.