Such a huge loss

On September 4th we found out we were expecting a baby. We felt so much joy, and told so many people. Then when we went in for an ultrasound at 12 weeks 10/28/08, there was no heartbeat. The ultrasound tech knew beforehand. My mom and my girls were there to see the baby too, and she told them not to come in. We had an ultrasound at 10 weeks, 10/10/08, the baby measured 8 weeks 2 days, the baby had a great heartbeat (171). The Dr. said our dates were off or it could be one of 100 other reasons. He never gave us any indication that we could lose this baby. I was so unprepared. This happens to 1 out of 5 women. That's too high of a number. In every pregnancy there is a 15-20% chance of miscarriage. I feel so blessed to have my daughters...lots of people endure miscarriages, and don't have a child...let alone two perfect healthy children. They definitely have been a light throughout all this darkness.

We already loved this baby. We thought it was the perfect timing for our family. I'm praying God has a better time for a healthy baby to come into our lives. I know He does...it's just so hard. I am already neurotic when I'm pregnant...so I can't imagine how I'll be when there's a next time.

Nelson has been amazing though everything. God really blessed me with this perfect man. Praying for me to emotionally heal...praying for a future with a viable, healthy pregnancy, praying my girls never endure this pain, praying my friends never go through this and if they already have that they never have to again, praying that I can trust God with ttc again someday, praying my eyes stop burning from all this crying.